Letter to Shiloh in 2013
Dear Shiloh,
In 2 short months your world will be completely turned upside down. You may not know it now, but that sweet little girl inside your belly has a hole in the bottom of her back. Don't worry, she's going to be fine and you will make it through the other side a much stronger person. You're going to be given the option to have a surgery while that sweet girl is still in your belly. Take it! You're going to be given a lot of paperwork and a book that explains what Spina Bifida is and all that comes with the diagnosis. Throw it all away! None of that literature is going to matter when you see that sweet little girl for the first time. You're not going to thumb through the pages when she bears weight for the first time. No amount of literature is going to prepare you for that first time she needs a surgery when she's not even 2. Nothing in those pages will comfort you when you are faced with the reality of her finally needing a shunt. The time will come, just know it's going to be alright. Lean on those who have been in your shoes. They will be your greatest resource of knowledge and support, when no one else truly understands what you and that little girl are going through.
When you decide to do the surgery, know that you're doing what's best for your unborn child. I know this is harder said than done, but please don't feel like you're having to choose between your children. Savannah won't even remember being away from you for those 3 1/2 months. She'll visit and you'll cry when she goes. Remember this is only temporary and you'll have the rest of forever to spend with her. When your water finally breaks, don't beat yourself up. The longer I've lived with what happened, the more I realize God ultimately does things on purpose. He's got everything mapped out and you are playing your part fearfully and beautifully.
Don't get in such a hurry to get her out of the hospital, that you forget that little girl needs every minute of her time there. Those nurses know and love her so much. They will do everything in their power to make sure she leaves when she's ready and not a moment sooner. Nothing about this is permanent. Remember, God's timing, not ours.
When they finally do allow her to go home, don't rush her off of the oxygen. God is going to work some crazy miracles in that first year home. Don't spoil it by trying to set your own agenda. When they talk about the shunt, remember, God's got this. She needs the oxygen until the Doctor says she doesn't!
Just remember to enjoy every minute, no matter the situation. God has never let you down and He's not going to start. It might seem silly now, but that little girl is going to teach you so much more about life than you have ever learned before. Let her do her thing on her terms. Don't try to hold her back because you're afraid she's going to fall. Let her try to dance and pray she flies.
In 2 short months your world will be completely turned upside down. You may not know it now, but that sweet little girl inside your belly has a hole in the bottom of her back. Don't worry, she's going to be fine and you will make it through the other side a much stronger person. You're going to be given the option to have a surgery while that sweet girl is still in your belly. Take it! You're going to be given a lot of paperwork and a book that explains what Spina Bifida is and all that comes with the diagnosis. Throw it all away! None of that literature is going to matter when you see that sweet little girl for the first time. You're not going to thumb through the pages when she bears weight for the first time. No amount of literature is going to prepare you for that first time she needs a surgery when she's not even 2. Nothing in those pages will comfort you when you are faced with the reality of her finally needing a shunt. The time will come, just know it's going to be alright. Lean on those who have been in your shoes. They will be your greatest resource of knowledge and support, when no one else truly understands what you and that little girl are going through.
When you decide to do the surgery, know that you're doing what's best for your unborn child. I know this is harder said than done, but please don't feel like you're having to choose between your children. Savannah won't even remember being away from you for those 3 1/2 months. She'll visit and you'll cry when she goes. Remember this is only temporary and you'll have the rest of forever to spend with her. When your water finally breaks, don't beat yourself up. The longer I've lived with what happened, the more I realize God ultimately does things on purpose. He's got everything mapped out and you are playing your part fearfully and beautifully.
Don't get in such a hurry to get her out of the hospital, that you forget that little girl needs every minute of her time there. Those nurses know and love her so much. They will do everything in their power to make sure she leaves when she's ready and not a moment sooner. Nothing about this is permanent. Remember, God's timing, not ours.
When they finally do allow her to go home, don't rush her off of the oxygen. God is going to work some crazy miracles in that first year home. Don't spoil it by trying to set your own agenda. When they talk about the shunt, remember, God's got this. She needs the oxygen until the Doctor says she doesn't!
Just remember to enjoy every minute, no matter the situation. God has never let you down and He's not going to start. It might seem silly now, but that little girl is going to teach you so much more about life than you have ever learned before. Let her do her thing on her terms. Don't try to hold her back because you're afraid she's going to fall. Let her try to dance and pray she flies.
Sitting here with tears in my eyes as I read this. You my dear sweet friend are so brave and have the courage of a mama bear! I'm blessed to know you and am so proud of the woman, wife, and mother you have become. The trials in which you have been through with that beautiful baby girl prove this even more. No matter what you keep pushing forward and keep your faith in God. Love you girlfriend!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely love this. You truly have the spirit of a warrior as I'm sure Kennedy has taught you things and God has brought out your inner strength to guide you through.
ReplyDeleteSo proud of you, Shi :)