Railroad Wife, Railroad Life

It has been 9 years since my grandma breathed her final breath on the face of this earth.  I think about her almost every day; what she would have thought of her great-granddaughters, what she would think of....well every thing.  While in the shower this morning a song came on that always makes me think of her.  To be honest, this years theme is song titles.  Every blog title from 2020 has been a song title.  This blog is no different.  Fittingly, this song is from the soundtrack of a movie based on the last book my grandma ever read.  The Shack. I loved my grandma with my entire being.  She was there for me when literally no one else was there.  When I was young, she made all my pageant dresses and stage clothes when I began to sing.  Before I'd go on stage, she'd always smile at me and say "Sparkle, sparkle, sparkle, pizzazz, pizzazz, pizzazz."  It didn't matter how things turned out, she always thought it was the best.  She even taught me how to sew and even

Anyone who has battled with anxiety and depression knows the feeling of dread when the anniversary of certain events creep up. The dread just creeps into your stomach and balls it up. Sometimes you almost want to will the past to change, because it's so sad or traumatic. Everyone knows the past can't change, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't willed it to change a few times in my life. I know I have a bad habit of looking through old journals, watching for memories on Facebook, and my mind of an elephant, to remember things that happened in the past. My husband usually gives me a hard time about this because I spend too much time focused on past events. This year is a little different for me though. A year ago I was about to embark on one of the best weekends of my life. So many friends and family were able to come together to celebrate my grandma's 85 years on this earth. This was a milestone weekend for her because for the first time ever all of her grandkid

I think it's only human nature when living the railroad life to accept that you are never in your forever home.  Thus there's a lot of "in our next house..." talk that goes on.  This house that we are in has been a wonderful house for us.  We've made countless memories and when the time comes to move into "the next house" we will be leaving behind a chapter of our lives that will never be duplicated.  However, that still doesn't stop the "in our next house...." discussions from time to time.  Something occurred to me though as I was sitting in church today.  When it comes to anything in our lives, whether it's house, situation, relationships, etc. we have a choice when it comes to growing or scrapping these parts of life.  We can either scrap it or make the best of the space we are given. When we lived in West Virginia, our house was the closest thing to perfect we've ever lived in. The people who built the house made great use of

This was by far the best Christmas break I've had in a long time.  We started a little early with presents and dinner on Christmas Eve.  This year I made an executive decision to put the tree upstairs in our bonus room, as it's carpeted and there was less chance of an ornament getting broken.  While this was the first year we didn't have an ornament casualty, this was also the first year our kids woke up at 1AM excited because Santa came.  I had to run upstairs and send them back to bed.  Remembering all those Christmas Eve's where I didn't sleep in anticipation of what I got; I'm sure this was extremely hard for my kids.  Kennedy woke up again around 4, wanting to play with one of the stocking gifts she'd managed to see at 1.  Once again I came upstairs to shoo her back to bed. Christmas morning was magical.  The girls really liked what Santa brought them, both their gifts they'd asked for and the gifts left in their stockings.  We hurried to get re

Before I get to my topic of choice, I just want to put up a disclaimer of transparency ahead.  I am not going to pretend the last 5 years have been a walk in the park.  Truth be known, I still get a large bump of anxiety from August 12th to January 7th.  Every.  Single.  Year. Anyone who knows me knows that 5 years ago Kennedy and I each had our very first surgery together.  I would be lying if I said I wasn't proud of this.  I am so thankful that God provided for every need that came up to make fetal surgery happen.  It doesn't happen for everyone who qualifies for the surgery.  Not only was I able to do this with Kennedy, but I was also able to nurture some relationships that had been left unattended for too long.  One of the conditions of having fetal surgery was to stay within the Cincinnati area until delivery.  We were very fortunate that the Ronald McDonald House of Greater Cincinnati had a room open up for us while I was still recuperating in the hospital.  You also

Recently I've tried to get back into reading a book by Ann Voscamp titled "One Thousand Gifts".  A friend from a mom group recommended I read the book while I was struggling with a miscarriage in early 2013.  I've tried several times to make it through the book and get side tracked with another book, or life, or any other excuse I could muster up.  In an attempt to focus more on the book and the value it could add to my life, I checked out the audio book online and am listening to it while reading it.  This has been a game changer for me.  Voscamp actually reads the audio book, so words that get lost on a page regain their meaning in her voice. While Voscamp is considered a Christian writer, I encourage those who don't believe to read it, along with those who are trying to break out of a relationship rut with God.  She says things aloud (or on paper) that every person has asked when faced with a dark time in their lives.  This book really dives deep into the hum